I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
