After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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