i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
