i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
