i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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