Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
