you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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