I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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