do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize