Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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