I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
