it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
