can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
