Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
