Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
