Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
