How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize