She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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