she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
