Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
