If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize