Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
