Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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