I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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