Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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