I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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