dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize