summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
