last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
