I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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