I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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