Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
