Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
