under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize