someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
