Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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