this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
