and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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