I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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