I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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