Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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