my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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