she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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