Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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