you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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