Please don't use social media to get back at me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
