I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
