Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize