the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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