smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he thought i was a dude.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
