Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.Â
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
