If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize