Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I could fuck to npr.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
