I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize