fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
