I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
