If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
