Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
