i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
