he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
