I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
