Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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