so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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