Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
