So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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