yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
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