why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
