I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
