Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
