Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
