Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
