i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
