what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm getting married
To pizza
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
