I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
