I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
