benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize