If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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