I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
how do you play pong handcuffed?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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