I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
