Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
