Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just invented taco cereal.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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