I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
