I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
