he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm passing your future prison.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
