so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
