WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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