I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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