there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
