she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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