would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
