They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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