she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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