i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
