My Higher Power is John Stamos
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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