ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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