I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
